Tomorrow, before the turkey and the stuffing and the pecan pie and the noodles and the green beans and the cranberry sauce and the mashed potatoes, as you sit at the heavily-laden table with your loved ones and your sometimes-loved ones and weird Aunt Pat, when you start grasping at empty air in the hopes of coming up with an answer as to what you’re truly grateful for, remember this:

Humanity is a fucking disgrace.

The velvet nap of our wonder has been worn down to a threadbare remnant. We eat and we drink and we fuck and we kill each other. We rape and we blow things up and we cry and we forget. And in perhaps his greatest scheme yet, the devil has taught us to be grateful and complacent in spite of it all.


So this Thanksgiving, instead of being grateful, dig past the shallowness of self-introspection all the way down to the societal outrage everyone should be channeling pre-tryptophan. Remind yourself that the world we have made is one where:

  • men behead and immolate and drown our hope in the name of a god who compelled his believers to compete in doing good
  • black children are murdered without consequence by the people sworn to protect them
  • girls’ clitorises are scraped off their bodies with dull knives and their vaginas are sewn shut with waxy black thread
  • Donald Trump is a presidential candidate
  • children are wading through the chartreuse water of disposed electronic landfills in order to make money and eat
  • brew thrus and selfie sticks and apps that allow you to rate another person are actual things that exist
  • being a Muslim means you’re a terrorist and less than a century after Hitler, we’re actually entertaining the idea of making them carry identity cards
  • animals are tortured and experimented upon in order to provide carmine lips to women who are shooting their faces full of toxin
  • a white majority is so afraid of the consequences of their ancestor’s actions they’ll shoot peaceful protestors to keep them in place
  • the men and women we shipped off to war come back and sleep under benches and die of hypothermia and no one cares
  • oil is more important than blood
  • our physical world is of so little consequence that we’re still drinking out of plastic bottles because it’s too hard to refill one fucking bottle whenever you want water—water that comes out of a tap in your goddamn kitchen—because;
  • people kill each other after being cut off in traffic
  • 10 million people tuned in for 30 minutes to watch LeBron James shit all over his hometown
  • politicians had to be lobbied in order to pay for the health care costs of 9/11 responders
  • 20,000 people were brutally killed by the Mexican drug cartels last year
  • a friendly hitchhiking robot was dismembered in Philidelphia, a city where a drunk sports fan once intentionally threw up on a little girl who was rooting for an opposing team because it’s fucking Philly
  • more people recognize Kristen Stewart’s face (because she played a clumsy idiot who fell in love with man’s only mythological predator) than Malala Yousafzai
  • the symbolic holiday of our gratitude is actually representative of killing off an entire group of indigenous people.

Fuck gratitude. Gratitude has gotten us nowhere except where we are now, which is terrible. Channel your inner Hulk tomorrow and burn this mother to the ground.

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